What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
