jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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