threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Randomize