i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
