It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
