There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
