I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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