I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize