thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
