i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
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