I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
