if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
