we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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