I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
