I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
