Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
