So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
