The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
