dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
