so explain again why im purple
no
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize