did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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