you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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