I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
