also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
