I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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