I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
