Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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