She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
