I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
