I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
