well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
