I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
