...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
