I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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