Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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