Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
be right there i have to get my cape
Randomize
