last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
