At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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