i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Hello my rib-scented angel!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
