were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
