Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
