Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
