make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
