the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
