She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
