I just made out with a guy for $7.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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