My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i will never coherently bang her
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
