PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
