Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
This is my gift to your gina
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
