You don't have asthma, your pregnant
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
my phone needs a breathalizer
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
