We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
