I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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