Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
