He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
