yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
