did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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