Define "chronic" masturbator.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize