I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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