Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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