Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
whose parrot is this?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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