This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
A bitchslap is in order.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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