the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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