There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
