Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I think I just sharted jello shots
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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