Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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