Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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