Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
