No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize