The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
