wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
