you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
