guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
