Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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